the party is over.

by: Deborah E. Blastic

As I sat in rehab and felt sorry for myself, I tried to imagine my life without a drink. It was beyond my comprehension, to live “without something.” I knew that, when I hit that world, I would again be stuck with me. I had no real evidence of being committed to anything in my life; so what were my chances, I thought. I decided, (in my addict's mind,) I will smoke weed, that’s what I will do, I will get through this treatment and eventually when everyone is off of my back, I will smoke. This was my mindset, 3 weeks into treatment….

Something happened that day, that would change the direction of my thinking and my life. I consider it my, “Spiritual awakening.” I was watching a film, (that I felt they could have thrown away, due to its outdated timeline and poor quality.) It was Father Martin Ashley, “Chalk Talk.” He was describing how the “disease” of addiction is progressive and how, it never gets better, only moves aggressively forward with a vengeance. This caught my ear, I thought,… that is what is happening to me, I have progressed with the booze, I couldn’t get enough!

Finally, I understood….”The party is over.” I can never drink like a normal drinker, I go to the nth degree. I was so relieved, I felt as if, “The weight of the world was taken off of my shoulders.”The next day, I told my group the “truth,” for the first time… of what was running through my mind. I told them everything. I finally surrendered. I was free. The party was over.

Acceptance

“I think it’s good to have acceptance in my life today, because I never accepted anything before.”

The Gift of Destiny

by Deborah E. Blastic

On my last day of drinking, I sat with my sister's and my mother crying and drinking my last drinks. I expressed the devastation and unfathomable thought of never drinking again. I stated; "You might as well put me six feet under or take my right arm." I was beside myself, for I could not be further painted into the corner. There was no getting out, “the gig was up.”

I had run my family into the ground.

Little did I know...because, you don’t know what you don’t know...

My life was just beginning in a way that I would have never expected.

I never wanted to get sober. It was not a gift I wanted. I did not see it as "a gift."

Taking one day at a time, and moment by moment; this gift is unending and immeasurable. It is a gift beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

My life is worth living without a drink or a drug.

What I once shunned, I now welcome, and want nothing more than to give this precious gift back to those in need.

I am forever grateful and thankful.

Cannot Change

by Ian Sill

There are four things you cannot change:

            Other people.

            The past.

            God’s will.

The fact that you are an addict or alcoholic.

 If what bothers you fit into any of these categories, there is nothing you can do about it. All you can do is turn it over and let it go…

Courtesy of Nick, who drank beer, wine, liquor, and Maalox.
     
Nick said there is no shame in being an alcoholic.

The shame is if you are and do nothing about it.

Thanks for everything, Nick.

Two Things

by Ian Sill

Two Things

Two things to consider about addiction and recovery. The first is the belief that we are under the influence only when we are using our drug of choice. Prolonged exposure affects us more than we realize. In a profound way how we act, think, and feel about ourselves and our place in the world slowly changes, and we find ourselves thinking we are the only sane ones left.

Second, the idea that stopping our addiction alone results in an abrupt return to normalcy. What is normal to you is no longer normal, and the world around you isn’t either. It may get better quickly; it may be disappointing to find it will take time to face and repair the damage done. But it is possible, and it will happen if you give yourself a chance.

Facing Recovery

by Ian Sill

We are afraid, facing recovery, that our lives will be too normal.

Some of us also have a paradoxical fear we will never have or don’t deserve any normalcy at all.

To us a normal life means no more fun.

We confuse serenity with boredom, and solitude with emptiness.

What’s normal for us is not fun. It is chaos.

In that we let go of the chaos, we never want to be normal again.

A life in recovery is far from regular. Don’t be regular.

The grind is one day at a time and a lifetime. It is mundane and it is extraordinary.